#006

Would you look at that! Almost exactly 3 weeks since I started this and thought "this might be my last attempt at graduating" and I dropped it. Just as expected, shinning object syndrome hit and I left this alone after a few weeks. This time there may be a reason tho. Back in May I got my results from the ADOS2 test. I still need to find a psychiatrist to continue with more testing. And my therapist told me back in June that I most certainly have ADHD. So I´m kinda trying to wrap my head around these news. During June I kinda "rebelled" against what seemed to be me repressing my interests and just trying to focus on what "I have to get done" while feeling miserable in the process, practically the last 16 years of my life. I never realized that it took me actual energy, not to focus (although that too) but to try not to indulge in my interests. For the longest time I treat them as a something to be avoided, a prohibition. Then, as a "prize" for doing my "obligations". Or a bit more recently as a need, but only in small "dosis" so I wouldn't go crazy and burn something down. The worst was trying to justificate my interests by tying them with my career: oh, this looks interesting to learn! How could I apply it to my job/career?. That was killing my interests! I needed some time to let myself enjoy things that I like, without any other motive than just... enjoy.

But I can't live in that way forever, can I? (If you know how to, please let me now). So here we are again. New month, new me?

I left at this points, which are exactly at the beginning except from one tiny advacement. Talk about failure...

Edit: See how far I forget about stuff? I totally forgot about the model.

I literally have no idea how to get done all these in any other way that is not pulling through it until I hit burnout and hope I was never born (or maybe, that I never went to university, it depends of the day).